What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 02:35
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Why did i forgive my father ?
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This is soul school!.
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What kind of lights would you like to use for your home decor?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She wouldn,t have been !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot live in the past .
What are some tips for braiding a woman's hair on a date?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She loved him until the end.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
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Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Was there a British ‘genocide’ of Aboriginal Australians?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
What melts your heart every time without fail?
Ive learnt so much.
My family never makes their pension either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Especially a lifetime of it.
It was going to be , some day.
I will be 64.
Why is Donald Trump criticized by so many people?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was scared of men, in general
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I waited trembling.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But it wasn’t much.
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
When she asked me how she looked .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She found it foreign!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I could never make a relationship work though!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was seconnd youngest,
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I said to her
I never cut or harmed myself..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im still living with it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Comes on , in middle age.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I write beautiful poetry .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What did i know ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We all went to grammer schools
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was in good health!
I think the readers, may guess!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So whats the point in blame.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i lived it daily.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I have no regrets .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So, i spoilt her more .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I don,t even have a pension.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She married twice! .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were not on the streets..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was 9 years of age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He knew the spot.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!